I’ve just got home from a brilliant holiday in Japan. On the long flight home I wanted to write something that encapsulates the beauty and serenity of a wonderful, fascinating country. Mere words can’t ever really convey the sense of a place, but I’ve done the best I can.
Tokyo was brilliant, but I had to go and spoil it.
Somehow I blew my cock off on a futuristic toilet.
I pressed a button to wash my bum and play a cheerful tune,
But I’ve always been a clumsy chap and, oh my word, kaboom!
My little man became detached and blasted through the ceiling.
At first I sat in stunned silence, and then I started squealing.
I watched it from a window as it sailed through the air.
I never had much anyway, but now, alas, I’m bare.
Like a squishy pink bullet it raced through the sky,
As usual, barely visible to the human eye.
It bounced off a lamp-post and lo, how absurd,
It was plucked from the air by a hungry bird.
My lavatorial misadventure in Japan,
Left my nethers smooth and shiny, like an Action Man.
These space age techno-toilets look flashy and fun,
But you need to have a PhD to safely wipe your bum.