Blue Passports

23rd June 2016. Independence Day. Brexit means Brexit, what a time to be alive. Article 50. Strong and fucking stable.

I’m a proud Englishman me, a proper patriot. Flag of St George tattooed on my right arm, British bulldog on the left. Shaven head, face like a haunted omelette.

We’re taking back sovereignty. Pull up the drawbridge lads, we’re full. Go home. Born in Royal Leamington Spa you say? No mate, I’m not a racist, I love a curry.

No no, not that kind of sovereignty. Frustrating the will of the British people. Fucking traitors, hang ‘em for treason. Land of hope and glory mate.

Hard Brexit, no quarter. We’re sick of experts. If Nigel says it’ll be fine that’s all I need. Rees-Mogg for PM, champion of the working class.

Exit bill? We’ve already paid our exit bill. Spirit of the blitz. One World Cup and two World Wars. Fuck off Merkel. Face like she’s chewing a wasp. Get back in the kitchen love.

Shut it Remoaners. We don’t need a deal, we’ll go it alone. A return to the days of empire, putting the Great back in Great Britain. Traitors, fucking snowflakes. Frustrating the will of the British people.

Sod the refugees, they’re terrorists anyway. No women and children see? Why don’t the cowards stay home and fight? Send them back, fuck ‘em. British jobs for British workers, no room at the inn.

Blue passports. Brings a tear to the eye, what a result my son. Makes you proud to be British. £350 million for the NHS? Economic impact studies? Frustrating the will of the British people mate.

Blue passports. Blue fucking passports.